how we roll

Any mom with a baby who does not have good sleep habits will tell you that one of the most difficult things to do is control a baby's sleep patterns. Poor sleep effects everyone, most-especially mom. To encourage any mom, tell her that she's doing well and that she will get through "this phase" (or that phase). It is TREMENDOUS...and needed. (IMO, moms are pros at raising children. But, honestly, they've only done it once or twice. Their experience is relative to their older children. A little pat on the back from time to time feels really good. So does advice from seasoned moms, especially those who've had more than two.) And most of the time, it's true. Most things are a phase. But poor sleep perpetuates poor sleep. So what does a mom do when her baby has poor sleep habits? I can only relay what we've done. I have no idea if it will work for you.

With Abe, I learned to just roll with it. I comforted him to sleep and by 5 months he was taking two 1.5 hour naps and a cat nap at night. At 8 months he dropped the cat nap. At 13 months, we went down to one nap. That nap developed into a two and a half hour nap by 24 months. Some books say this isn't enough. I guffaw at those books. I worked my fanny off to get those naps. Today, Abe loves his nap and he takes them willingly. I chalk it up to our diligence and his personality.

I didn't start by rolling with it. Abe was a poor napper to start. It wasn't until late into 4 months that he extended his naps to 1.5 hours. I tried BabyWise. Oh, BabyWise. But I missed rocking my baby. I had always dreamed of it. I decided that I didn't care if it was a "prop," I wanted to rock my baby. If he eventually took 2 good naps, that was fine. When BabyWise principles didn't work for naps, I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. What Dr. Weisbluth said about sleep relating to brain development made sense to me. ...a baby needs good sleep so their brain develops well. It's not to say that a baby's brain won't develop, but if you want a happy baby whose brain can handle all they're trying to take in, you will be sure to help them achieve healthy sleep habits.

Here are some principles of HSH that helped me tremendously:

• Little One's (LO) night time sleep should be organized by 4 months. 4 months is the latest for colicky babies.
• LOs day time sleep (naps) should be organized by 9 months. 9 months is the latest for colicky babies.
• A "nap" is not a nap unless it is at least 45 minutes.
• Crying it out (CIO) may be necessary if LO doesn't have their sleep organized by 4 and 9 months and isn't taking consistent naps. (Here is where I think so many moms differ! Some moms are willing to lose sleep to avoid CIO. Some want to do it from birth. To each his own...)
• If LO wakes crying, they may not have gotten enough sleep.
• Routines help an LO learn what's coming -- consider it a way to communicate with them when no other form of communication is in mature-enough a phase to actually tell you much. For example, I bounce Ike to peace, then set him in his crib for naps. We rock and read to Abe for naps. Both boys have a bedtime routine that they thrive on (bath, lotion, pjs, read (Abe), nurse (Ike), to bed).
• REM sleep starts for most babies after 20-40 minutes. Many babies never learn not to wake from their initial sleep phase, so their up from their 20-40 minute "nap," but never really got the rest they need.
• Most babies want to go to sleep between 6-8 pm and wake between 6-8 am. (TWELVE hours is normal!)
• Most babies have a two-hour window during the day. They are fine in-between naps for between an hour and two hours before they're ready for their next nap.
• Solitary sleep is the best kind of sleep.

With Isaiah, I did roll with it. Until Daylight Savings, we had a good thing going. But somehow, his carcadian rhythm got thrown off and he's been getting up 3 or 4 or 5 times a night since. And I am a mess. I need him to sleep more, or at least with more predicability. I can't thrive. I can get by, but my life demands more than just getting by. I want to have the life sucked out of me if that's what it takes to raise a healthy child. But since Isaiah's sleep habits are poor, perhaps intervening a bit will mean my not having so much of the life sucked out of me.

We are on day 3 of "sleep training." Here is where you wince. Yes, friends, we are letting Isaiah CIO. Mark and I agreed that a few nights of feeling him out, letting him figure out how to put himself back to sleep will not hurt him. (Some may disagree, and disagree you may, but it's the price we're willing to pay as family. Don't hate.)

Here's what we've experienced so far:

• Night one: up every hour and 15 for various stretches, going to him every 15 minutes, not picking him up but loving him and calming him. I went to him at 6 am and we got our day started.
• Night two: up three times for 5 minutes without a need to go to him at all. He slept until 3 am, when I went to him to nurse him. Up at 7:30.
• Night three: up once at 3. I decided to see if he'd put himself back to sleep and wait until 6. He was up and down from 3 til 6 and I fed him at 6.
• Night four: I expect he'll go down well, and I will go to him at 3 if that's when he gets up.

• Day one: I bounced him (and he was ANGRY), so I set him in his crib for an hour or hour and a half a piece. (It was later in the day that I remembered the HSH said to go to them after an hour.)
• Day two: after bounce-to-peace, set him in his crib and he fell to sleep on his own, then woke after 30 minutes. Since the indication is that he never entered REM sleep, I waited to go to him until another hour passed. For his first nap, he went back to sleep after 50 minutes of alone time (30 he fussed, 20 he rested and fell back asleep). Not so-smooth for the second nap. Third nap started at 5 and he slept until 9 (I am pretty sure this would be considered night time sleep, not a normal nap).
• Day three: bounce-to-peace, set him in his crib and he slept for and hour and 30. (SUCCESS!!!) Second nap, not so much: bounce-to-peace, set him in his crib and he woke after 30 minutes. He is currently fussing.

In summation, CIO has been successful. It's hard. Very hard. But it's harder long term not to have good rest. I am still not confident that he will extend his naps. We may have a 1/2 hour napper on our hands. But I'll take that if he'll only do the one waking at 3 am. I got 5 hours of straight sleep last night. I feel like a new woman! The naps are an added bonus. I promised myself to keep with it until Friday. If we progress, that's fine. I'll take the success we've achieved and roll with it.

Another example of when CIO is successful for us is whenever we experience a shift in sleep. For example, when we moved into our house when Abe was 8 months, as soon as we let him CIO he was sleeping through the night 7-7. When he was 11 months and we went to Texas, he was in a pac-n-play in the walk-in closet of our condo. He fussed for about 10 minutes when he woke at 11, but from that night on slept straight through 7-7. It seems that the sooner we let him figure out how to go to sleep on his own, the sooner  he adjusts to the different sleep environment.

Well, Momma doesn't have the fortitude she thought she did. On Thursday (which would have been day 4), Mark stayed home for a snow day and I got all thrown off with our bedtime routine, forgetting to nurse him before bed. So he woke around 8. Since it had been like 5 hours since I nursed him, I went ahead and nursed him back to sleep. Then I didn't go back to him until after midnight. As I edit this, it's Sunday, and his daytime naps have all gone back to between 20 and 30 minutes. I'll take it for now. He's been SUPER fussy when he only gets 20 minutes, which is understandable. One thing I keep telling myself is that this is a phase! I hope he learns to enjoy naps soon. Forget what I can get done, that kid is SO much happier when he has longer naps.